Inner Longings for Community
I hear “community” often spoken of by others, by myself. Each time I move to a new place this longing awakes inside of me. This longing for a sense of connection. I used to have great difficulty letting friendships go even if they were not loving for me. Letting go of someone would trigger this deep sense of loss that I would completely not understand, feeling beyond my family of origin wounds.
I have used high dose mushroom journeys as a spiritual practice for probably five years now. I consider this medicine a blessing in my life, able to plug me into a divine superhighway.
Near the very end of my very first mushroom journey (I took about 4 mg of magic mushrooms) in 2018, I began to return from the ethereal realm I had been visiting for several hours. As I came back into my body I suddenly knew deep grief. I felt the deep deep sadness of leaving what was really my home to return to this lifetime I was living. My partner who was sitting with me had left to make himself some food. I sat alone on the couch crying. I spoke out loud “no, please,” I pleaded, “I don’t want to go back.” I knew a loss of such magnitude. I knew a loss that made me wish in self compassion to simply die right then.
I suddenly felt this pressure surround me. In all of my journeys this was the one time that the ethereal punched through so significantly as to touch me physically. I could feel the soft pressure of bodies surrounding me, coming so close as to say “we are here even now.” Somehow I knew It was my spirit family. I didn’t know who they each were but I felt the clear unconditional love we all had for each other. i felt the deep connection I had longed for my entire life. In that moment, I knew that every step I had taken in this lifetime as Lori to create community was merely to recreate this, this deep deep acceptance.
I wondered, how much of my lifetime has been spent just searching to access what I left behind in the Spirit realm? At that moment, I realized the answer for me was “a lot.”
I sobbed on that couch for the relief to feel so loved and seen as well as the sadness to know I would need to let it go again. “I missed you.” I said to loving presence surrounding me. All these angels jostled around me cuddling in closer and closer. I could feel them touching my arms as if to say “we are always here.”
My face wet with tears, I let them go and sank slowly back into my body.
Two days later I finally collapsed in grief knowing the love accessible on the Earth plane would always be a lesser quality than that within God space. The material plane we live this lifetime is just too dense for all that we are.
I still walk with that awareness though that what often propels me is a deep longing for that which I stepped away from for the span of this lifetime. Understanding where my longing comes from helps to quiet the disappointment that can be present comparing the Earth experiences to ethereal experiences for me. It also helps to quiet the sense of loss when someone leaves my life. Community here may not breathe always of unconditional love and acceptance as it does in Spirit, but it does enrich my life. Plus, if I try to love the friends I have as unconditionally as I can, I am helping to recreate what they call “Heaven on Earth.”
What do you long for?
Could some of it be a longing born of what you left when you came to this lifetime?
