I Find Myself Dancing with Vulnerability
Lake Waiau, the sacred lake on top of Mauna Kea. A photo I took recently as I sat by the lake one afternoon.
Vulnerability is one of my most profound teachers. Long ago, I could not dance with vulnerability at all. Instead, when I was hurt or scared, I would freeze and run away or put up a block by getting angry. The result always was a closing of my heart.
Today I feel vulnerable. I know that vulnerability is part of being alive and part of having an open heart. Where as long ago I saw it as negative and something to be avoided, today I can turn and face it like an old friend.
“Here you are vulnerability, my wise teacher. Yes, I will dance with you willingly because I have learned to sweetness of deep connection to myself is part of why I even bother living at all.”
“Sure, sometimes I might feel naked and unprotected, but as soon as I accept the reality of life’s ever changing nature, I find security and solidity in our steps. You, vulnerability can whirl me around the dance floor and I can laugh with joy and abandon. You can hold me tight and I can feel how much I treasure myself in your eyes. We are one, you and I, vulnerability. I can fully love knowing that loss dances on my heals. I can laugh today knowing I am strong enough to cry tomorrow. “
Vulnerability is maligned by many choosing to live without it. But for me, I can only find deep joy while knowing that this too can be gone in a second.
Dancing with vulnerability means I face the temporary nature of life. Vulnerability puts me face to face with life’s pain. But it also means I treasure the now. Vulnerability means I am fully alive.
What does this mean in the everyday for me? This means that I return again and again to my open heart. I remember that I love you and always will no matter what. It means that when anger rises up, I entertain it like a welcomed guest but don’t use it to protect my heart.
It also means that I accept my fumbles in life. I accept my flaws and poor choices. I accept my fear and my doubt. I must accept the pain in life in order to fully accept the magnificence as well. Spiritual evolution inside of me means I embrace the duality of myself until some day there is quiet and stillness.
“Dance with me,” vulnerability. “Show me how to live.”
