Fuck miserable

I woke this morning and my heart is full.  No reason in particular.  I just feel happy, joyous (almost) (ha! Yes note the "almost") ...

And then the feeling that something is amiss in this.  I noticed something lurking behind the door beside me.  Damn!  It's ... self-judgment.

"No, lori, you don't get to feel this happy.  You don't get to feel this much love inside you!"  

It is an old old agreement I made to always be a little miserable.  I look at that this little "self-judgment" gremlin now and notice he is pretty small.  He used to be enormous and he kept me locked down and safe.  Now he looks like just a greener and grungier version of pikachu (this Pokémon my kids used to like).  Not really that scary anymore.  So I slap him over the head and toss him out the door and sit down again to drink my coffee.

Fuck miserable.