Sitting in Unknowns

I heard someone say once, “a measure of our healing is how much we can tolerate unknowns.”

When I was a young lass, anything I perceived as unknown would drive me bonkers.  I would lie awake at night trying to force decisions just to be out of the discomfort of unknowns.  Ofcourse, I would frequently make decisions I would have to change later as more information became available.  What really I could not tolerate was not knowing.

Ironically, perceiving something as “known” was just a fabrication.  I didn’t “know” anything really.  The reality I was trying to pin down in some kind of concrete way was constantly changing.

I am better at being with unknowns today.  Sometimes I just have to remind myself, “oh damn it is just that unknown thing again, take a deep breath and let it go.”

The unknown is very much like the space between breaths, a pause while all the atoms are suspended in the air.  Everything is moving and still at the same time.  We are just witnesses to the dance of creation going every which way at once.  Our mind tries hard to create something for us that we can understand and predict and know.  But as I said, that is a farce, comforting at times but not true.

I really don’t know jack shit.

Even amidst the information in my brain and the ancient wisdom in my heart, I still don’t know jack shit.

Lol.

All we can do is pause between breaths, laugh, and wonder… Where is this crazy dance heading?