Deep Love

When I Love deeply, it is complex.

This is what I am learning.  For so long, love had been classified inside of me as just a feeling and conditional.  Now Love is more like the ocean, with complex layers and movement.

Painting by Ma’ata Tukuafu

When I Love someone deeply, there is room for many experiences inside of that ocean.  There is room for fear, doubt, anger and even vindictiveness though these waves do not last long in the sea of Love.  In fact, the magnitude of the ripples of fear and anger only reflects the depth of the Love that exists.

When I left my life in Minnesota ten years ago, I angered some people.  I was surprised by their anger.  Later, I was told that the ones who got most angry were the ones who were hurt the most, the ones who loved me most.  I felt sad and guilty to know this.  I had mistaken their anger as just “disapproval” and withdrawal of their love.  Now, I am realizing I was not feeling deeply enough into the experience. 

I am still a student of Love.  Even today when I make an exit, and I’ll admit not always very gracefully, people can get angry.  However, now I can allow the complexity of human dynamics within the richness of Love.  I can be both the sender and receiver of anger and still love.  I can be hurt and still Love.  I can leave and still Love. I can even be on the receiving end of revenge and still Love.

Love is complex.  What many think of as love is not Love. It is something akin to conditional approval or distorted self reflection.

Real Love is enduring.  Even when I have physically left a relationship, I can still Love.  Even when someone has done me intentional harm, Love can still be found inside of me. This feeling inside is close to Grace.

I read a book long ago entitled “What’s so Amazing about Grace?”  The author said Grace is not natural for humans.  I strongly disagreed back then and still do. I feel that our natural makeup is one of unconditional love and when we can experience this, we are closer to our essence.

I believe we walk this planet in order to experience Love deep enough that it can weather all manner of manmade storms. Life is made richer if we can find at least one person to whom we love so deeply that our heart breaks open merely for the feeling of it.

If that is true, then I believe that all these weary footsteps we have taken in this lifetime are worth it.