The Siren Call of Regret
Halstead’s Bay, Minnesota - photo by Lisa Munkeby - follow her on instagram - Lmunkeby
I’m sitting squarely in knowing why dying with regret is so painful. It is the missed experience.
Maybe the experience that has been in the back of your mind for years. Even as you read this… I bet you know what that experience is for yourself. The experience is like a siren calling to you over and over again….
As my father moves closer to passing away, I am caught looking backward on life and forward as well. Wondering, because he can’t talk anymore, does he have regrets? Are there things he wish he’d did, places he wished he had seen, people he wished he had spent more time with, and things he’d wished he had said?
And I find myself contemplating my own possible regrets, big ones and smaller ones.
I don’t want to die with big regrets. It’s heartbreaking to feel that possibility.
I don’t want to regret that I didn’t tell someone “I love you” more often.
I don’t want to regret that I didn’t risk heartbreak.
I don’t want to regret that I only loved partially.
I don’t want to regret that I didn’t write that book.
I don’t want regret that I didn’t step out in a brave way.
Regret
If this path has meaning, I resist.
If this cause is dear to my heart, I fear.
If this is the way of my soul’s journey,
I obviously will doubt and tarry
dragging my toe absent-mindedly in the sand
trying not to notice
as a crowd gathers to watch.
If this is the way for me,
I will get many second chances.
I will get them until my last dying breath of regret.
This option never goes away.
So when I turn a blind eye and walk away,
it merely follows me like a well trained dog,
eager and loyal
wanting to be noticed,
wanting to be chosen.
Lori - 2016
I feel that regret can be a teacher of sorts if we use it proactively. It is not useful if we wait for the end to apply it - then it becomes self-defeating. Regret is a teacher when we use it as a perspective on living today. It’s a humbling perspective on our choices today.
I suspect the people who die with few regrets, have lived their life fully and have loved fully.
