Un-forgiveness

When I can not forgive, when I am stuck in blame, my heart hurts.  

This is the wisdom of the body to know what is wrong.  

Building the wall takes so much effort.  But letting it dissolve requires that we acknowledge our capacity to cause pain.  Teetering here ... only self-compassion will move me. 

Un-forgiveness

I know this spot so well
This spot hiding behind the stone wall of blame
I can lob grenades at you from safety
and I can make you feel guilty.
Forcing you into remorse
and separation from me

"See, see what you did
And this is why I left you!” 

You sit in well deserved isolation,
in a pool of your own shit.
You created this, and you know it
Your act was reprehensible. 
The verdict was clear
so clear, you cast the deciding vote yourself. 

Climbing the wall, I look way down at you
I feel safe, 
and righteousness,

And numb.

From this well worn spot of mine
I know the irony.
I have condemned myself 

I’ve built a wall between me and the only person who can free me. 

- Lori, Summer 2016